The Way Home

Lately my dreams have become very weird, vivid.  I try to document them the minute I wake up, some times it is easier than others.  Many I still don’t understand their meaning but this morning’s dream I do KNOW!

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TRUST

You Are On Your Path

Richard and I were driving over winding, narrow dirt roads, lava, I could see the embers, large black boulders, very bumpy terrain.  We came to a clearing and I understood this was Richard’s stop, his destination. 

A kind, young woman greeted us.  I asked her, how do I get home?  I don’t want to go the way I came.  She said, you can go this way, it’s smoother. There was NO road, only air.  I said my car can’t fly, how do I get there.  She said to just wait for a few minutes the road was being built.  As I looked I could see something that looked like an island floating in the middle of the vastness of the air and the road appearing but it hadn’t quite reached the land yet.  I asked her if it would take me all the way home as I knew the island was not my final destination.  She said, NOT YET, that I had to wait there at the island and the road would be built when it was time!

Working Through My Grief

For the first time in I don’t know how long I woke up with a light heart, a smile, feeling happy and ready to embrace my day!

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Mantra

Face Your Fears, Trust the Journey

My journey began 21 months ago, well, to be honest, a bit before that, but that’s when my life changed, the rug was pulled out, I passed out on the emergency room floor, “Come grow old with me, the best is yet to be” printed on our wedding invitation was not going to be.

I remember going to Richard’s primary doctor after his diagnosis. I made an appointment for the both of us. I was prescribed Ativan and Lexapro to help ease the monkey mind and take the edge off. I was hesitant. I am one that does not like to take medications. After discussion with the doctor, close friends and family who have also taken these meds I said okay BUT I knew that I needed more. I needed a spiritual tool kit.

I signed up for a Stress Management class offered through Sutter Health. I looked into Energy Healing and found a wonderful mentor, Naomi. I found many guides to help me on my path through online groups. I should probably expand on those but I’ll be honest, I’m lazy, ha ha, that’s too much to document but I do post about my groups here on this blog. I learned to pray differently. My relationship with my truth teller, God, changed.

I am healing and growing AND I am no longer taking the medications prescribed for me! They helped get me through those sleepless nights, calm down the anxiety. I knew it was time to wean myself off of them, that I have my spiritual tool belt and guides and my tribe to lean on.

BUT my new tools some may consider woo-woo so I was not sharing. People would say to me, wow, you are so strong, you are doing so well and I wanted to share why but I held back, I wasn’t speaking my truth, my voice.

Slowly I started stepping into my own, my voice, thus this blog. But I wasn’t posting much, still hiding. What are you afraid of?!?!? That family and friends may judge me?!

Those old beliefs and patterns are binding, they don’t allow us to grow and be the person we are meant to be.

This week, after the Fly Free Retreat, I took the first step in sharing my voice, posting on my personal FB page.

Part of my path is I want YOU to be who you are meant to be. How can I do that if I don’t share!?!?!

Face YOUR fears, TRUST the JOURNEY!!!




Who Am I

I am a daughter of Frank and Julia

I am a sister

I am an aunt, a great aunt and a great-great aunt

I am a widow

I am a friend

those are the first things that come to mind BUT those are LABELS!

I AM so much more than that.

I am a gift from God

I am funny

I am strong

I am smart enough

I am good enough

I am worthy

I am loved

I am YOU and YOU are me

And what I just learned is

I am a free spirit that has been struggling to show herself but FEAR clipped my wings a long, long time ago.

Would I have spread my wings I would have been a Renaissance Woman, a photographer traveling the world, a writer, a healer, an artist living abroad.

I am not going to say I’m too old.

I am going to say

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I am growing my wings

I will fly free

I Stay Open

This month in my Sister Hive group we worked with the feminine, the masculine and the two as one. When I combined the feminine and masculine it was just one HOT mess.

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I let it sit. No judgment.

Then I was called to add some swirls and look what emerged! Birth!!!

Today I read Virigina Rosenberg's astrology report for Scorpio! OMG something beautiful and lasting will grow from this!!!!! And I embrace vulnerability and allow myself to awaken! TRUST has been my inquiry, show me how to TRUST!!!!! 

My masculine side has ruled me my entire life. The feminine side every so often pushes her way through but quickly recedes. This week after my energy healing my left side has been bothering me, I even had my first migraine/tension headache. My feminine side has been showing herself more and more, the merging of the two is commencing!

Scorpio: I stay open. 

New beginnings in relationships that are rooted in truth. People are bringing me messages, and I am listening with rapt attention. We are exchanging real words. I soften my defenses. I embrace vulnerability and allow myself to awaken. Something beautiful and lasting will grow from this.

Dreams

In my journaling and meditations I often receive messages of DANCE and LISTEN. This has been going on for quite some time.

I get the “LISTEN” but the “DANCE” not so much, perhaps freedom, flow.

If anyone reading this is a dream interpreter, I would love to hear your insight.

Last night I dreamt I was auditioning for something taking place at a college or some sort of game, probably football. Some family members were with me. I declined the first time. The second time I was told I had to as the person who was going to do the part was unavailable.

I was alone in a square room. I was told to listen for the word dance. When I heard “dance” someone would come into the room and for me to be prepared to be asked to dance. I walked around the room “listening”. I could hear people walking by, talking, lots of action but did not hear the word dance.

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Dance is the language of the soul

I’m not sure how I knew, maybe all the commotion outside the room stopped, but I knew the scene was over. I walked out of the room and coming towards me was the director, he told me I did good, could have done a couple of things differently in the act of listening, but overall good job, and he started saying dance, dance, dance and then I notice who he was talking to, Dance was a dog.