Such a popular saying and one I have been saying continuously for the last two years but until just now I never realized what it really meant.
Yesterday was a bad day. I lost heart, I lost faith for a moment, I was really angry. I took Sophie to the vet for what I thought was an abscess, it’s on the outside of her body on her belly. The Vet thought that was all it was as well but wanted to take a needle aspiration just to be sure. He was gone longer than I anticipated and I knew, just knew that was not a good sign. The minute he walked in the door it was like reliving the day the emergency doctor came back in the room and sat down on the chair and told Richard and I what he had found.
It’s a mast cell tumor. The Vet was surprised, not what he expected, I’m so sorry. As Sophie is 9 and has had two major surgeries already I am not going to have her put under and do another major surgery. Dr. Finn will do a local and “snip” off the growth. He said he can have it graded so I will know. That’s fine. I won’t do anything different. Quality of life, not quantity.
On the drive home I’m screaming, NO, YOU took my husband to cancer in October, YOU are not taking my Sophie, she is my lifeline. I lost my spiritual toolkit. The things that calm me down, bring me peace, ground me. I couldn’t concentrate. I was crying but had to hide it because I didn’t want Sophie cluing in on my emotions. Surprisingly I slept really, well maybe not surprisingly, as I did ask for help, guidance and the Ho’oponopono prayer before going to bed.
Today was a busy day, two zoom calls and one business call. No time to really think. Day filled with meditation, inspiration, feeling hopeful, checking in with friends and snuggling on the couch by the fire with Sophie while listening to the thunder roar. The despair from yesterday was just a memory. I have no doubt Sophie and I have lots of time to spend together, more car rides and new adventures.
It is amazing how one day at a time can make a difference. I had time to reflect on my emotions from the day before, YES, I do not like the diagnosis but today I was able to see that I was reliving August 6th, 2017. Once I had a clear mind I felt more optimistic about Sophie, the gloom and doom behind me. Keeping a positive attitude and even did some energy healing on her. She’ll have the tumor removed on March 22nd, in and out procedure, I’ll take her through the Starbuck’s drive-thru (they always comment on what a beautiful girl she is and she loves the attention) and order her a pupa-chino (she loves those and it is a big treat) and then we will continue on, one day at a time.