Working Through My Grief

For the first time in I don’t know how long I woke up with a light heart, a smile, feeling happy and ready to embrace my day!

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Mantra

Face Your Fears, Trust the Journey

My journey began 21 months ago, well, to be honest, a bit before that, but that’s when my life changed, the rug was pulled out, I passed out on the emergency room floor, “Come grow old with me, the best is yet to be” printed on our wedding invitation was not going to be.

I remember going to Richard’s primary doctor after his diagnosis. I made an appointment for the both of us. I was prescribed Ativan and Lexapro to help ease the monkey mind and take the edge off. I was hesitant. I am one that does not like to take medications. After discussion with the doctor, close friends and family who have also taken these meds I said okay BUT I knew that I needed more. I needed a spiritual tool kit.

I signed up for a Stress Management class offered through Sutter Health. I looked into Energy Healing and found a wonderful mentor, Naomi. I found many guides to help me on my path through online groups. I should probably expand on those but I’ll be honest, I’m lazy, ha ha, that’s too much to document but I do post about my groups here on this blog. I learned to pray differently. My relationship with my truth teller, God, changed.

I am healing and growing AND I am no longer taking the medications prescribed for me! They helped get me through those sleepless nights, calm down the anxiety. I knew it was time to wean myself off of them, that I have my spiritual tool belt and guides and my tribe to lean on.

BUT my new tools some may consider woo-woo so I was not sharing. People would say to me, wow, you are so strong, you are doing so well and I wanted to share why but I held back, I wasn’t speaking my truth, my voice.

Slowly I started stepping into my own, my voice, thus this blog. But I wasn’t posting much, still hiding. What are you afraid of?!?!? That family and friends may judge me?!

Those old beliefs and patterns are binding, they don’t allow us to grow and be the person we are meant to be.

This week, after the Fly Free Retreat, I took the first step in sharing my voice, posting on my personal FB page.

Part of my path is I want YOU to be who you are meant to be. How can I do that if I don’t share!?!?!

Face YOUR fears, TRUST the JOURNEY!!!




Who Am I

I am a daughter of Frank and Julia

I am a sister

I am an aunt, a great aunt and a great-great aunt

I am a widow

I am a friend

those are the first things that come to mind BUT those are LABELS!

I AM so much more than that.

I am a gift from God

I am funny

I am strong

I am smart enough

I am good enough

I am worthy

I am loved

I am YOU and YOU are me

And what I just learned is

I am a free spirit that has been struggling to show herself but FEAR clipped my wings a long, long time ago.

Would I have spread my wings I would have been a Renaissance Woman, a photographer traveling the world, a writer, a healer, an artist living abroad.

I am not going to say I’m too old.

I am going to say

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I am growing my wings

I will fly free